


What Remains

by mebfeath



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Episode: s05e21 Meridian, Episode: s05e22 Revelations, F/M, Team Love, musings on daniel's death, sam falls apart a little, well what's left of it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-20
Updated: 2017-03-20
Packaged: 2018-10-08 08:34:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10382682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mebfeath/pseuds/mebfeath
Summary: We all deal with pain in different ways; fight, flight or freeze. Sometimes all three.Jack, Sam and Teal'c's musings post-Daniel's death. Spoilers for Meridian, and very slightly for Revelations.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this years ago and never posted it. I hope it's okay.

It’s the one thing he can do. In a sea of things he can’t do, things he can’t control, this is the one thing he can _do_. He can _fight_ for.

He’s spinning out of control. It’s one thing to watch your men die on the battlefield – one second they’re alive and the next they’re gone – but it’s another thing entirely to sit by and watch while your best friend drowns in his own lungs. And then to watch as his country willing sacrifices his good name for a few ounces of something they don’t even really understand…

It’s short, really – they say it’ll only take him around fifteen hours to die, give or take, which is nothing when you compare it to something like cancer which can take years – but it’s forever. And it’s no time at all. No time to figure out a solution, to save him. He knows it’s a useless fight – on earth at least – but time would give them something. And they need something. _Anything_.

Daniel saved him, once. And while he knew their count was fairly well even now, he still felt that debt. He wouldn’t be alive – in every sense of the word – if Daniel hadn’t come along and reminded him that life existed outside of his own pain. That he would survive. That he had a reason, a purpose, to keep going. He was needed. And that felt good.

But now all he can feel is the world falling out from underneath him again.

 

***

 

There was something she could do, and she failed. 

They told her it was a slim chance. That the damage was too great. But she had to try. She _had_ to _try_. And she failed.

She wasn’t strong enough, didn’t know enough. She was afraid.

She knew she would have to live with her regrets, and they were many when it came to Daniel. She’d gotten so caught up in her world that she’d forgotten the number one rule of working in them military – stay detached.

He’d taken a piece of her heart with him when he’d gone, and she’d let him. Not willingly, but she’d broken the rules and she was paying for it. 

The Stargate program was nothing like she’d worked in before. Sure, you built bonds and developed friendships wherever you went – they were military, but they were still human.

The price for working in the program she did, with the people she worked with, was her heart. She’d been far gone when she’d realised just how emotionally invested she’d become – how much they all were – and it had been okay. It wasn’t possible to stay detached and survive; their lives were permanently on the line. At any moment the world could end, and they were the gatekeepers. Teal’c had once noted that even the jarheads – the tough, battle-hardened, slightly left-of-centre marines – were invested. You could tell when they realised; they freaked out a little, went through a ‘rough patch’ they called it. But everyone knew what it was.

They were family. It was dangerous, the game they played, but it was the only way to survive.

She was _utterly_ sure it was worth it.

She was going to miss him so, so much.

 

***

 

Teal’c knew there was nothing he could do. That there would be nothing he would be called upon to do. But he remained at the ready anyway.

He’d seen much battle, and had watched his friends die countless times. He’d watched the young Jaffa he’d spent hours and hours training die in the first minutes of their first battle. He’d watched seasoned warriors make a single mistake and lose their lives. He’d seen men sacrifice themselves for others before.

But he’d never met anyone so genuinely selfless as Daniel Jackson. At first, he didn’t quite understand; he thought Daniel was all talk and no action and that put to the test his true colours would show.

He learnt very quickly that he was wrong. Daniel Jackson would – and did – give his life for his friends on a regular basis. And Teal’c was proud to call him friend.

He’d told Daniel that he believed that the war against the Goa’uld was losing one of its greatest warriors and he’d meant every word. Many men would have given up in the face of such personal loss. But Daniel had not, chased Teal’c knew by his own personal demons at almost the same pace as his desire to just make the galaxy a better place.

He hoped that now he would feel like he could do that.

 

***

 

She knew he’d pull back into his shell; it would be a similar shell to the one he’d pulled back into for that first mission to Abydos. The same shell that would have kept him going through years of black ops.

But that didn’t mean it hurt any less when she bounced off the outside.

It was less than twenty-four hours later and they were on Tel’tak en route to rescue a trapped Asgard and Sam was finding it hard to move everything into the box that exists in her mind for exactly this kind of thing.

The box was pretty full, and to be fair, she wasn’t ever very good at compartmentalising anyway. At least not as good as the Colonel and Teal’c, and they were the only ones she compared herself to. She was vaguely aware of the lack of balance in the comparison, but she’d always set high standards for herself and she wasn’t about to stop now.

Action soon demanded that she focus and that was when she was at her best. Two rescued Asgard and the future of the Asgard race later and they were on their way home. Suddenly the distraction wasn’t there and the weight holding the lid on the box closed moved just enough to allow some of it back out.

They’d settled their bill and were heading to the carpark when Teal’c announced he’d forgotten his coat and left Sam and Jack standing awkwardly beside her car.

They hadn’t really spoken since he’d blown her off that morning and the weight of everything just hung in the air between them. The silence was almost deafening underneath the weight of her heartbeat, and she stared at her feet.

‘Got much planned for the weekend?’ she asked, forcing her eyes to meet his. They did, and he glanced away after a moment.

‘Nope. You?’

‘Not much. I was going to see if Cassie was free. I haven’t had a chance to catch up with her much and…’ She trailed off, letting out a breath and pursing her lips. ‘Sorry,’ she muttered after a few seconds of silence. She knew Janet had told Cassie – how could you hide something like that? ‘I guess…well, Janet said Cassie didn’t take it well. I wanted to just check in.' 

‘Yeah,’ he muttered quietly, staring at the ground. ‘We should all go visit.’

_Remind her that we’re still here_ , Sam filled in. _That not everyone in her life is going to up and leave her just yet._

It was one thing to know that four of the most important people in your life put their own lives on the line daily; it was another thing all together to have your worst fears realised for one of them.

‘I…I just have no idea what to say to her,’ Sam blurted out, tears filling her eyes and fully aware that her emotions were on full display and she was likely making him uncomfortable. No, she was _definitely_ making him uncomfortable.

‘Carter,’ he said quietly, and she sniffed.

‘Sorry, Sir,’ she apologised again. She took a deep breath and looked up at him, forcing a smile into her face despite the tears that threatened to blind her. He was driving Teal’c to the base; she didn’t need to hang around. ‘Say goodnight to Teal’c for me. Goodnight, Sir.’

She turned on her heel and headed for her car, ignoring his quiet calls behind her. The tears were spilling onto her cheeks _again_. Oh, she was so _sick_ of crying. She was so sick of feeling like she was going to cry at any second; the knowledge that your heart was just sitting on the surface and it only took a ripple from nowhere to send everything to hell.

‘Carter,’ he said again, only this time, his hand was on her arm and he was pulling her back towards him. His other arm encircled her and she willingly crashed headfirst into his chest, a quiet sob escaping her.

‘I’m sorry,’ he muttered quietly into her shoulder as she struggled to reign herself in. She knew that if she just let a little out, the rest would be small enough to deal with and she’d be able to stop spewing her emotions everywhere. In public, at least. She grabbed onto the lapels of his jacket for dear life while he stroked her back gently, saying nothing else, just letting her fall to pieces for a few moments in the safety of his arms.

And goodness, did it feel good to be held by someone bigger and stronger than her. By _him_.

She pulled back automatically at the thought, letting go of his jacket and wiping her face with her hands.

‘I’m sorry, Sir,’ she started before he shushed her. She glanced up at his eyes; they were dark and glassy with his own unshed tears. The sight almost pushed her over the edge again and she had to work hard to reign herself back in quickly. 

She took a step back and his hands came to rest on her upper arms. ‘Carter,’ he whispered. ‘Never apologise for caring.’ His voice was low and she struggled to focus on it.

‘Yes, Sir,’ she said, nodding quickly. He let her arms go with a brief squeeze. Moments later Teal’c was standing beside her, close enough that his arm was touching hers.

‘Maybe we should all spend some time with Cassie this weekend,’ Jack stated, pulling his hands up to his hips.

‘I believe that would be wise,’ Teal’c replied, and Sam nodded. ‘Sometimes it is good to remind one’s self of what remains.’ 

Sam nodded, and nudged him gently with her shoulder. He nodded towards her and she let out a small smile. 

Jack sighed. ‘Yeah, T. I think that’s a great idea.’

 


End file.
